I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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