we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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