In the future we'll all be gay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
