I'm drive I can fine osifer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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