I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
