Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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