yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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