i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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