i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
