I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
