I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
