I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
