It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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