wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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