Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
