best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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