this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
