Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
