my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
