Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
