I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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