Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just forgot I was standing up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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