Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
