he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
