I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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