So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
