He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
