Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
