If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
