I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
