the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
