i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
