I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
