she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
