If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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