it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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