As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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