Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
