On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
