dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
