just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
