I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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