I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
