8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
