people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
