i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
