so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
