i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
