The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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