sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
