im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
